I’ll never let you all go

Since childhood, I’m  a very sensitive person. I get attached to people very easily. Suppose, one of my uncles came to our house after a long time, and I’m probably seeing him for the first time. But I became like friends with him in an instant. Not only him, but with aunt, sister or brother whoever came with him. And when they left….I had a strange feeling. People now complain about depression. They say that they feel like being completely alone when they are depressed. I realise, I feel depressed when I’ve to say goodbye to someone close to me. I still remember that day. My uncle’s family had come to our house from Patna, and stayed in our house for 2 days. And I became friends with them so easily, and so deeply, when they were going back, and called us from the train, and wanted to talk to me, I just couldn’t as I’m always lost in words as to, what to say in these moments. And I used to feel like, I’m so alone! The only way I again use to get back to normal life is by remaining engrossed in my own things like studying or listening to music, and it’s very difficult. I was 14 then. Again I remember, when I was 15, my elder sister came from USA for the first time in 4 years. We had so much fun, we even went to Mandarmani and enjoyed to our fullest. But when she was again going back, with no clue as to when she’ll again come back, she called me and I just couldn’t talk to her. I was too sad, and I again crippled into the world of my own. 

Now, since then, I’ve grown. I don’t fall emotional too often. I can say with guarantee, I never felled prey to depression ever since then, except one or two cases (which were devastating indeed). But then, you may ask, why I’m writing all these all of a sudden? 

Because, now I’ve to deal with the sadness of leaving behind my closest people in my life after my parents and few relatives. Yes, my school friends. 

My school is something, I can’t spend a single day without thinking about it. Now, of course, everyone thinks about it, since we have all sorts of exams and practicals coming. But, mine one is something deeper. I’ve been in single school since my first days, and have spent 14 years, in a single school. The school gate, the road to school, the morning assembly – everything have become a part of my life. And of course, the friends. I just can’t explain in words, how grateful I’m to them. Everything I’ve achieved till now, 50% credit goes to them. Doesn’t it sound awkward? During each exam, I spend more time in social networks, talking to my friends than I do in rest of the year. And each exam goes so well, as I know I bear the love and affection of 20 or more friends. Few friends are special for their funny jokes and remarks. Few friends are special for their encouraging words when I’m down. Few friends are special because they have been more than just being simple friends. And few friends are special as they are simply special, in other words, extraordinary. For 14 years, coming to school, seeing their faces in morning assembly, chatting about previous day matches. Then the daily fight for tiffin,  be it a simple bread butter, or some chicken sandwich. Then the 5 minute chat outside the school gate after the school. Oh yes, I forgot about discussing song lyrics with my friend whose favourite singer matches with mine! Oh oh! And those pranks that they used to play on me? About my crush and all? We used to make pairs and then ship their relationship?

I’m having chills through my spine now on realising, this is the end of these all. 

Yesterday was farewell. Everyone was so happy. Everyone was looking so gorgeous. Everyone was looking like responsible adults. But from inside, we were all the friends we used to be for 14 years. Somehow, the suit didn’t matched with our behaviour. We were still laughing loud at silly jokes, we were still playing pranks on each other. We may be adults now, we may act like it when we are in some shopping mall with parents, or with some tuition friends, but when we are with school friends, the inside childishness gets triggered and it comes out automatically. Last day was not the day of tears. It was too soon to realise that we all are parting ways.

But now, as I go through the pics we have clicked yesterday, the same feeling I used to have when I was 14-15 is coming. And I’m bad at words at these moments, so I don’t know what to say. I had so many things to say to so many people. To some, I needed to give a tight hug for being by the side of me all these times, to some, I needed to apologise, as at some point of school life I had hurted them in absence of my consciousness, to some I needed to express my hidden feelings that I had for so many days. But it didn’t happen.

But I’m a person who always tries to keep the closed ones always in touch. That’s why, I sometimes blow one’s inbox with messages when I haven’t talked to him or her for a long time. Because, staying away from people I love is a really bitter thing to digest for me.

That’s why, I am now consoling myself with only one hope, whatever happens, I’ll never let them go, I’ll cling to their sleeves like a cat. As it’s for my own benefit. If I let them go, I’ll be never able to succeed. As, I said earlier, everything I’ve achieved, 50% is due to them. 

I don’t know if any of those idiots will read this, but even if they read, consider this as my one and only promise of my life.

– Aneek

(I try not to cry but it really brought tears to my eyes while writing this post….)

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